>_<'

Uhhhh...!!
So boring...! With two classes had been canceled, I don't know what to do though there're tones of assignments needed to be done and submitted within this week...
I'm so doomed~~
Hahaha~ I'm still fooling around..
Geez.. I was looking forward for the classes today.. We’re supposed to learn cookies and another fruit - watermelon carving... Third lesson for the melon, and it was postponed.. And now I'm looking at them - the watermelons~ =P I feel like carving them now, my hands feels 'itchy'.. But my senior said the class might be replaced on this Friday so... I guess I'll just have to wait.....silently~ I've uploaded some pics from the carving class recently~ Note : I'm a beginner~ =P At first it was quite hard (and I thought I have those sense of art within me.... >_<'), I made a hole through the papaya~ got laughed from my senior...Hmphhh~ but when I was doing the watermelon, I was having fun..! (Although it's not finished yet, there's supposed to be a flower on the top) Yay~ Although It was not smooth at all, at least I got it, I mean.. I got it.. =) And I want more of it...!! Uhh.. Uhh..!
I' 'wandering' in my room, looking at the mess i created (don't feel like cleaning up), and the assignments I left on the table - halfway to go, and Blackie~ (my guitar! Owh, I'm still not sure bout it, Sifu said it's mine now, but I'm not sure whether he really meant it or not, hahahahaha~~) =P
Wonder when'll sifu teach me Vermillion pt.2 >_< Hahaha~~~
It's quite hot out there, and I don't feel like going out..Heh~
Maybe I'll jog with my lil geek later~ if it's not raining.. The weather now days, freaking weird.. Raining cats n dogs, then damn hot... rain, hot... Uwahh! J'ai chaud!

I Don't Love You...! =)

It's holiday... Well. kinda.. Heh~ cuz I have no class, so it's considered holiday~
I don't really have anything to do (liar!), so I decided to rearrange my closet yesterday... Hahaha~ I placed my bags nicely, arranged my clothes nicely..... Hell, there are lots of them that I decided to give away some of them which I didn't really use anymore.. (My roomate grabbed them~) Heh~
While doing it, I crossed' by my old stuff.. Not that I wanted to, but I just found them.. And some cash too, hahahaha~ (The best..!) What I found was my old diaries (s.k.e.m.a).. two of them.. With memories of me and James in it.. Huh~ I read through it, and felt stupid.. But I did make sure of one thing, and that thing made me smile all day.. I have no feelings for him anymore.. I read it and I felt nothing.. I can't even remember those days when we're together... =)I really erased him from my heart.. completely.
I just can't believe he's the same person that threatened me and the same person that I used to love when I went through my diaries.. I found a picture of mine, which I stick it to my board. I thought of burning the diaries, but I don't know where.. Haha~ The thought of throwing it and the thought of somebody picking it and go through it gaves me a 'chill'... For sure, I'm happy with the fact that I'm not with him anymore.. But it made me realized again, how stupid I was.. again.. I completely blew it off when I'm in love, no matter who the person is, and I'm still doing it now.. I'm stupid and I never learn..

If anyone tells you that I am fooling around with you, they are wrong..
If I am angry and I tell you that I am fooling you all these time, I'm lying..
I will never lie to you or make a fool out of you..
If I were to fool anyone, you would be the last person ever on my list..

BOREDOM...!!

Three words to describe this weekend. Boring, Boring, Boring....!
There you go.. Raining all day.. so broke.. Unable to eat rice... Uhh... I've been eating crap since Friday.. Maggi, noodles, biscuits, biscuits, and biscuits. And Nescafe~ The results = Stomach Ache all weekend..
F*** the recession.. Wahahaha~
It was so boring that I tried to learn Warmness On The Soul... Ngeh~ So boring, that I downloaded The Rolling Stones, CCR, Lamb Of God, I Am Ghost and Kill Hannah~ Do'uh.. Freaking boring that I even tried to learn As Tears Go By, Midnight Special, Hey There Delilah, Play With Fire, and Happy just to realized in the end,
"What on earth am I doing??"
Boo-hooo~ The boredom somehow affected my brain system, maybe.. It's crazy how I actually asked onee-chan bout the prices of a guitar in Moscow~ >_<' That reminds me, on our conversation last night, we're talking bout me and HIM~ Do'uh, we're chatting and she just asked why don't I just declare with HIM..? I was stunned, and I was like, 'what the hell......' Declare??? DECLARE?? To be in a relationship?? Couple..?? Uhh.. That gave me butterflies in my stomach, somehow.. And headache...! It's true that I like him and I don't wanna lose HIM.. But I don't have any reason to 'keep' HIM.. Or maybe that was just an excuse, but I don't want to hurt, and get hurt.. Phobia?? NOOOOO......!! I'm not phobia... At least that's what I think.. Ahahaha~ I have no idea.. I'm so blurr now..
????????
Seriously, this whole thing makes me sick... >_<' *sigh* I'm so selfish, egoist, crazy, childish, that I don't want to get involved in any relationship anymore.. Plus, I'm happy with the... Umm.. Things now.. Haha~ If I were to lose HIM, I won't be so sad, cuz he's not 'mine'... If he looked at another girl, I won't be so jealous cuz he's not 'mine'.. And if we're away from each other I won't miss HIM so badly till I cry cuz he don't 'belong' to me, right.......?

Uwaaaa.....~

Stupid, boring weekend.. Internet sucks, and I'm so lazy to do anything, lazy to shower, to eat, doing the laundry... Blah..Blah..Blah......~ I'm craving for fried chicken.. Wuwuwuwu~ Wonder if mum already bank in my next month allowance~ I'm so, damn broke~ I'm blaming the US for the recession.. Ughh~ Eating maggi at midnight, before going to bed + stomach ache = Death..
*sigh*I'm craving for lots of things~ I wanna eat sweet biscuits, fried chicken, chocolate bread, durians, fresh milk, Delifrance seafood lasagna, beef bolognese, pizza, profiteroles and eclairs with vanilla cream.. (yummy!) I wanna hang out all night, shisha - vanilla, wanna get drunk(yea, right!), wanna laugh like crazy with yan & michelele, wanna big totes, cute lil heels, wanna do backflip, wanna be an expert in guitar, wanna buy my own guitar which would be purple in color with white roses (as if~ hahaha..!), wanna make tatooes, wanna sing aloud trough microphone and then laugh at my voice, wanna kiss in the heavy rain (fu-yoh!), wanna buy a cute chocker, wanna be an expert in cooking, wanna open my own coffee house, or dessert house~ Hahahaha~ Wanna climb mount kinabalu, wanna scream like hell, wanna a solar flower, solar plants, wanna punch a slut, any slut, wanna a lot of cash, wanna learn how to drive, wanna travel with the guy that I like, wanna go Japan, wanna speak in French , Mandarin, Japanese, Russian, (maybe Hokkien) fluently~ Wanna green tea and peach perfume, wanna have super power~ wanna be in home with my family, neko chan and my girlfriends...... Uwaaa....~~

My 'antidote'...gone..

Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I’m always wrapped up in things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I’m sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I’m sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so

Cold to you, I’m sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can see
You are the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high

What I really meant to say
Is I’m sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I’m sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there’s just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I’m sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say
Is I’m sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

p/s : kfc? u said so...

Emotion sickness...

I'm sick...! And I'm having the most boring week ever...! Yuck..! Why only we female have periods and get PMS?? Ughh.... PMS made I skipped class for the first time ever..! Umm.. Well, I did skipped class before but never on hospitality subjects.. Ngeh~ I created a record today.. After one year being here, it was the first time ever.. Huhuhu~ =P

It's been raining all day, kinda cool, kinda makes me sick at the same time.. Fufufu~ I've been thinking, I'm getting too 'involved' with my emotions lately.. Like always, I guess.. *sigh* My 'egoist' part had deceived me, as well.. MIA~ Where did 'she' go when I need her? Without her, I would 'spill' things I shouldn't say, or things that I don't want anybody to know.. I hate the fact that I asked him to stay.. The fact that I said those words that I never wanted him to know.. do'uh~ I hate period.. screwing my hormones... my emotions, and making me sick like I'm going to die.. seriously.. When I feel the pain , all I thought of is that I'm stabbing my stomach with a knife.. That maybe better than PMS.. Hahaha~ As always, me and my crazy thoughts~ Huhuhuhu.. =P

Hospitality week is just around the corner, and I'm eager to get involved with it.. *sigh* Some lecturer sure sucks~ ahahaha.. Mind my language... Iodophors were to perform, and I'm excited bout that. I wonder what else does hospitality week got to offer~ Hmmm.... Things are like NANA now.. It doesn't make anysense at all... Fuck~ It's like Hachi liking the Black Stones a.k.a. BLAST, and I like Iodophors, and now... I'm being Nana.. screaming to Ren not to write songs for other girl but her, only her.. It's just that, in my world, in my heart, I'm screaming to him.. yelling to him not to play guitar for other girl but me, only me... I'm so fucked up.. How the hell can I be jealous over something like this.. I'm so weak.. I'm......greedy... Fuckin' greedy..

I want to drown myself in the water, sinking to the deepest, darkest place... where no one could reach for me..